striving

I was on the metro once, taking a trip back to the Vienna station from DC, where I'd met up with an old friend an caught some lunch. We got locked into a conversation about whether or not we were satisfied with our lives. The answer was pretty mutual; to a degree, yes -- but to another extent, no, which is what keeps us going. It was accepted as part of the human condition.

But I don't want to accept that anymore. I'm tired of the relentlessness of a life led by how dissatisfied I am with my current condition, and others as well. Why do we always have to strive for the next goal? Why do we have to push ourselves over the top just to reach another plateau that is supposed to enhance our existence? Mind you I'm speaking on a personal level, not in terms of functionality, such as profession. Why should our personality change to suit another's?

It can be a tricky path to walk, since by nature our nature changes, but there's also a conscientious level to it -- why feed into that? Why say, "hey, I'm not good enough for you the way I am, so I'm going to change that" ? There are so many powers pushing and pulling, really vexing the emergence of a personality at any age, depending on where your self-confidence and personal development are, why make it more complicated?

I don't like redundancy in the slightest, but sometimes it's necessary to learn the same life lesson in a different chapter, under a different light. When we were younger, the idea of becoming our own people was forced into our heads. As time went on, we realized it was easier to adjust ourselves to everyone else. But later on in life, that aspect just becomes another part of you that you assimilate into your life experience and use to create your more developed personality.

So in reality, I'm content with my discontent. I've made that decision, and I'm not striving for something that's not going to happen.

Reality bites.


-w