Because sometimes you need a push.

It's been a long time; I'll be the first to admit that. Part of being responsible is accepting sacrifice; learning to be responsible is to learn to sacrifice the right things. Great leaders make great sacrifices.

What do I really want to write about? Writing's usually a reflection... My reflection's been murky lately. I look in the mirror and I see dark circles -- creases that will be making their permanent homes on my face long before any chubby fingers will ever explore them with any real meaning. Long before anything under this roof will be filled with anything but aimlessness and yearning.

I've learned that some things count for nothing, and that the future is nothing you can count on. I've learned that past personal decisions are things to learn from and change, not forget. I've learned that a good work ethic is something that will always keep you on top. I've also learned that in the right position, work ethic doesn't matter.


-w

The Day

The day starts with me getting off work, another late night shift of missing a good night's rest. I don't mind anymore because I've gotten used to it, the morning sun gives me a second wind of energy, it's invigorating. I'm home and sitting in front of my computer for the next two hours contemplating staying up, forgetting about sleep. Maybe I'll fix my sleeping schedule finally. I'll stay up and get burnt out by the end of the day and sleep sound fully at night. I realize I work again at midnight and don't get off till six a.m. Another wasted attempt, I crawl into bed and try to sleep. I wake up around six in the afternoon and notice I am hungry. My hunger doesn't come first before my bladder. It also doesn't come before a few hours of internet. I sit there entranced at the bright screen. It gets dark. I decide it is the appropriate time to eat my first meal. I eat, shower and go to work. My coworkers all bring their laptops. During the summer there aren't many residents, a few conferences, summer school students, an uneventful building. Occasionally we'll play poker, usually we're on our laptops. Tonight I decided I'll leave mine at home and open my notebook to write. I write a sentence. It isn't clear usually, it's a feeling I have of the moment. It's a sentence that makes more sense in my head than on paper. I stare at it and think more. I can't write anymore. I can never write anymore than this. I wonder why.

you're welcome

www.readprint.com

a good boy is hard to find

anna was a year above joe and she wasn't the prettiest girl, but she had a radiance about her. what she lacked in physical beauty she compensated with her charm and she was confident in her demeanor, but never felt as if she was above anyone. although she would be the first to strike up conversation she wasn't insistent or overbearing. she knew the right things to say; she knew how to respond to each kind of person learning different mannerisms and gestures to attract people especially boys. anna did not get along with the girls in her class because of this and she had few girl friends whose sole purupose in befriending anna was to learn her secret in attracting boys, but they did not realize that to anna it wasn't so much a secret than it was just knowing that all people were lonely in one way or another.

anna longed for friendship, for acceptance. many boys accepted her, but for her touch not her heart. anna's girl friends kept a distance from her because they did not fully understand her motives, so they kept close enough to study her interactions with boys and their conversations revolved around that subject, but they didn't care for her company. anna hated to be alone; she needed to be outside her house, to be with someone, and if it had to be a boy she did not mind as long as she could have his attention because attention was one of the symptoms of the love that she longed to catch. the love that anna desired was not a romantic love, but a pure love, something that would last and replace the desperation developing inside of her. she did not want to give up her physical purity, but felt as if she had no choice. for pure love she would sacrifice anything including her flesh.

anna would spend time with a few boys at a time testing to see who seemed most genuine. she didn't know that to them it was a test of endurance and of who wanted it the most. anna would wait until she saw something in one that she did not see in the others, an emptiness, a desperation like hers. she often mistaked a boy's fiery lust for emptiness and she would say, "i need you." and that was it. after the boy got what he wanted he would move on while anna, heartbroken, would mourn in silence until the next boy came along. she was left feeling more desperate than before and that loneliness would outweigh her shame, so much so that she would repeat this cycle of looking for boys and giving herself away.

one day anna was watching television and she turned to a news special about a man who had been crippled by a drunk driver. the man was testifying in court and the drunk driver was present. she watched footage from the court as the man limped up to the drunk driver he held out his hand and looking up to the Heavens he said to the drunk driver, "i forgive you." the drunk driver broke down and threw his arms around the man as the man embraced him back. anna could not contain herself and she broke out in tears uncontrollably. she sobbed and sobbed repeating the words to herself, "i forgive you, i forgive you." she thought about the story and the words every time she slept with a boy and sometimes would cry during or after scaring the boys. soon word spread about the "sob slut" and very few of the boys wanted anything to do with her.

that was until she met joe...