The Living Fire (cont.)

There was only a cloud of dust and the faint sound of shouting. Jacob could hear the distant and muffled echoes after hitting the ground so suddenly. He felt blood trickling down his brow, and a sharp pain running down his legs. The bones in his right foot felt out of place and broken. He had fallen a great distance, from gauging how he'd hollered long enough that his throat felt hoarse. The shouts diverged into a unified voice from above, and the words became clear as the dust settled.
"Jacob! We're going to get help! Stay where you are!"
Jacob was hurt, but he felt weaker inside. He didn't want to turn back when Mark admitted Jacob was courageous and won the dare. He couldn't even read the fear in Evelyn's eyes that spoke so loudly for home. All Jacob could see was the darkness he conquered as he held the torch. He was the source of light for Evelyn. Now Mark carried the torch, as he led Evelyn back out, leaving Jacob behind.

A couple hours had gone by and there was still nobody. Jacob lay still on the ground with his eyes closed.
"It should be dusk now. They must have told my Father what happened. Father's taking his time to carve up a switch is all. They'll be here soon enough." Jacob thought to himself.
Being unable to see heightened his awareness to the frightful sounds of the mines, coming from every direction. Steam crept up from the floor, and down the tunnel, resembling the breath of a monster, waiting for an opportunity to strike its prey. There were rumors at the docks, that the miners had abandoned the mountain because they dug too deep, and awakened a demon from the depths of hell. Jacob couldn't lay still any longer and didn't want to be attacked without fighting back. He lifted himself up, and groaned softly as he felt the excruciating pain in his right foot. Reaching around him, he searched for a jagged rock, big enough to slow whatever lurked in the cave. As his hand searched the ground, brushing away the smaller rocks and pebbles, he felt something warm. Jacob grasped it, and followed it up with his hands. It was a metal rail, used for pushing carts to carry minerals in and out of the mine.
"I'm saved!" Jacob whispered to himself, grinning.
He held on to the railing, and pushed himself further in, dragging his body. All he needed was to find the cart. If he could get out of the mine on his own, he wouldn't have to face his Father's wrath. He could just meet everyone in front of the mine, and say he got separated from his friends. He didn't even have tell his Father he went inside. He would lie about it all being a joke that went too far. He would even say he was punished already when he'd tripped and hurt his foot. His Father would never have to know the truth.

Thoughts, Dreams, and Fantasies

I've had fantasies my whole life. With girls, I'd fantasize she was mine, and I would fall asleep to thoughts of the perfect encounter. Whether it be her saying yes to a date, or fast forward to the moment we'd spend the night together. I'll fantasize my future, and where I'll be in the next five years. That I'll be successful, working hard on a film that I care about, and afterwards, spending time alone in some cabin in Alaska with my trustworthy Siberian husky, writing an epic novel. I fantasize like this everyday since I came to Richmond, and since coming here I've always told myself that I'm alone and have felt that way. Maybe it's because I've been pessimistic all these years, or because I've been self-conscious about the way I look ever since middle school, that I don't feel 100% comfortable around people and getting to know them. So I tell myself again, that I only have a few close friends, and the rest of the time they're busy or too far away, I'll spend time in my thoughts and fantasies. Lately, I've been fantasizing of being loved by her and by everyone else. It's so hard to get that when no one notices you. So I write a film, tell people my ideas, and try to put myself out there creatively so that someone will notice. Usually I'll get a 'wow, that's cool' or 'great idea' but that's never enough. I'll want more and when I don't get enough recognition I'll go back to fantasizing.

I'm graduating this semester, and lots of things have been on my mind. Marriage, getting a job, and getting my life closer to God. The list isn't according to importance, but in reality, I've been putting God on the bottom, and as collateral. That I'll get right with Him once these fantasies turn into reality, or be swallowed up and forced to confront Him once things fall apart. With so much uncertainty as of late, I can't help but understand that God is telling me to wake up and stop having these fantasies, because they are all selfish and unreliable. My life isn't going to work like a check list, no matter how capable or lucky I am.

Despite my confession, and motives for love and recognition, I've found what kind of themes are important to me. Maybe in all the writing about being Korean has opened up my own struggles with myself. That I want to be accepted for who I am, and that looking or acting a certain way, shouldn't make you less of a person. I want to try and connect with my culture and stop feeling like an outsider. And that it'll take an open heart, and meeting new people to get there.

http://www.amazon.com/Tuscan-Whole-Milk-Gallon-128/product-reviews/B00032G1S0/ref=dp_db_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

please read the first page. some of them are kind of hilarious.

thanks, wes.

dear wesleigh,

please post some photos. i know that your tumblr, other blogspot, facebook, flickr, and livejournal are still courting you and you just can't say no to them. it must be nice to have these suitors fawning at you and desiring for you to post up any picture, music clip, or blog post that is currently running around in your brain, but i must say that it's time to stop stringing along these poor social networks and settle down.

i know it's hard because you're a natural bachelor at heart and at the same time you want to share all of your love with all of these sites, but it's not fair. to you or to them. you must choose to cut some of them out of your life even though they may bother you with emails saying that they've missed you or that you haven't used them in a while. you must be strong and resist.

i hope that this post find you in good health and that you are ready for commitment.

Chapter 1: The Living Fire

"Why doesn't the sun get tired?" Sara said sleepily, rubbing her eyes. Her tiny body sat perched on a crate of beeswax candles, nodding back and forth. The old lantern she held in her hands radiated her pink cheeks, as her hair flickered in the wind. Jacob lifted a heavy crate into the back of his Father's wagon, ignoring his younger sister's complaints. He was up the night before, taking count of each candle, and while half asleep, he had lost count in the hundreds, three times. Sara was quiet now. The lantern sat on the ground, creating a spotlight around her motionless feet.
"Sara, get up," Jacob demanded.
Her feet rustled.
"I can't see what I'm doing if you don't hold up the light," Jacob said.
"But, it's heavy," Sara whined.
Jacob took a moment to catch his breath, staring into the dark sky. It was cloudy, covering the stars and the moon as dawn was approaching. Soon it was going to be another day of work at the market, peddling his family's goods. Jacob's Father, Joseph, had spent most of the morning in meditation and prayer. It was Jacob's responsibility as the only son to ready the wagon, so they could depart early before the sunrise.
Jacob walked over to Sara's dangling feet. He lifted the lantern, drifting the light over her body. Sara curled, and let out a groan.
"How about I hold the lamp, and you load the wagon?" Jacob retorted, as he kept the light shining over her face.
Sara's eyes slowly opened.
"Fine," Sara sighed with defeat.
Jacob handed her the lantern, as she rose to her feet. The horses stomped restlessly, while Jacob went back to loading the wagon. Sounds of hooves hauling a wagon were heard up the road.

writing rant

so i'm trying to do this thing called script frenzy. you guys can check it out at www.scriptfrenzy.org i don't think it's too late to join. it's very similar to nanowrimo which is a national novel writing event that takes place every november, so if you're more of a novelist, you only have 7 months left, so get brainstorming.

and that's the tricky part i guess when it comes to writing a script or novel or anything in general. because i don't really brainstorm, i usually write out of impulse. if i feel like doing it, then i will. if i feel sad, guilty, happy, joyful, hopeful, i will probably write about it. it's like i'm vomiting my emotions into words. and it sounds rather instinctive or even barbaric because i only do if i feel. of course there are activities such as eating or drinking or working that we do daily because we need to. if i didn't feel the need to eat then i wouldn't, but there would be several consequences, the most important one being death. now if i don't eat a certain food, i won't die as long as i feed on other things. i could probably live off twinkies, but it'd probably just make me break out and miss vegetables. i don't need to write to live, unless it's my job, but there are a lot of jobs out there that don't cause half the stress and panic than writing for a living. granted, there's a lot of joy in it if you enjoy it and love it. this is where the barbaric thing comes in, if i write out of impulse much like i'm doing now, then i'm missing an integral part of the whole experience. the whole experience of actually freaking out and messing up and hearing that your writing sucks or that whatever you're writing about sucks is half the fun. the other half is being praised, published, and even being an inspiration your writer peers and even the next generation of writers.

i guess i want to experience one half and not the other. i just want writing to be fun because most of our lives we've been finding out what we suck at and what we don't. unfortunately, we know what we're not good at more than we know what we are good at. i think that we suck at most things, but we start off the same way, doing something that comes along and having fun doing it, until someone comes up to you and tells you that you're good or bad. and i've heard people say, "Don't listen to other people. You do what you want to do. Work hard at it. It doesn't matter what other people say as long as you like what you're doing." well, the most obvious question is, "What if you are not that good at what you're doing?" the kid who is most qualified to be a chef isn't going to be the best actor if that's what he wants to do. he can work hard at it with the best of his ability, but the fact is that his ability might not come close to those with God given talent.

there are many doctors, many actors, many cooks, many laborers, many hard working people who may have missed their calling because of the old American dream motto of, "You can do whatever you want as long as you set your mind to it." but of course, we grow up and our hope in our future isn't as bright as it seemed when we heard the motto growing up. i love America. i love cheese fries. but very few accomplish or become what they dreamed of. i wonder how many of those out there that are mediocre at what they love doing and are happy. if they had the choice of being the best at something that they don't love, would they be happy then? would they come to love what they do because they're good at it.

i'm ranting because all my life i've wanted to be the best in something. i didn't just want to do something because it made me happy, but because i was good at it and no one could tell me any different. now with script frenzy, i want to be the best. now, all you have to do to win script frenzy is write a 100 pages in 30 days. and i plan on doing that. i plan on winning. like charlie sheen. but the evil inside me tells me that i won't be happy unless i'm the only winner and i pray that i can be happy for others. that when others surpass me in my skill and accomplish what i want to, that i can be genuinely happy for them. i guess i just put too much pressure on myself to succeed, and when i don't i feel free, but at the same time i want to do my best to see how far that will get me. the ironic part is, when i stop trying so hard and putting the pressure on myself i tend to do alright.

man, i really hope i'm a natural when it comes to picking lotto numbers if this whole writing thing doesn't work out for me.