writing rant

so i'm trying to do this thing called script frenzy. you guys can check it out at www.scriptfrenzy.org i don't think it's too late to join. it's very similar to nanowrimo which is a national novel writing event that takes place every november, so if you're more of a novelist, you only have 7 months left, so get brainstorming.

and that's the tricky part i guess when it comes to writing a script or novel or anything in general. because i don't really brainstorm, i usually write out of impulse. if i feel like doing it, then i will. if i feel sad, guilty, happy, joyful, hopeful, i will probably write about it. it's like i'm vomiting my emotions into words. and it sounds rather instinctive or even barbaric because i only do if i feel. of course there are activities such as eating or drinking or working that we do daily because we need to. if i didn't feel the need to eat then i wouldn't, but there would be several consequences, the most important one being death. now if i don't eat a certain food, i won't die as long as i feed on other things. i could probably live off twinkies, but it'd probably just make me break out and miss vegetables. i don't need to write to live, unless it's my job, but there are a lot of jobs out there that don't cause half the stress and panic than writing for a living. granted, there's a lot of joy in it if you enjoy it and love it. this is where the barbaric thing comes in, if i write out of impulse much like i'm doing now, then i'm missing an integral part of the whole experience. the whole experience of actually freaking out and messing up and hearing that your writing sucks or that whatever you're writing about sucks is half the fun. the other half is being praised, published, and even being an inspiration your writer peers and even the next generation of writers.

i guess i want to experience one half and not the other. i just want writing to be fun because most of our lives we've been finding out what we suck at and what we don't. unfortunately, we know what we're not good at more than we know what we are good at. i think that we suck at most things, but we start off the same way, doing something that comes along and having fun doing it, until someone comes up to you and tells you that you're good or bad. and i've heard people say, "Don't listen to other people. You do what you want to do. Work hard at it. It doesn't matter what other people say as long as you like what you're doing." well, the most obvious question is, "What if you are not that good at what you're doing?" the kid who is most qualified to be a chef isn't going to be the best actor if that's what he wants to do. he can work hard at it with the best of his ability, but the fact is that his ability might not come close to those with God given talent.

there are many doctors, many actors, many cooks, many laborers, many hard working people who may have missed their calling because of the old American dream motto of, "You can do whatever you want as long as you set your mind to it." but of course, we grow up and our hope in our future isn't as bright as it seemed when we heard the motto growing up. i love America. i love cheese fries. but very few accomplish or become what they dreamed of. i wonder how many of those out there that are mediocre at what they love doing and are happy. if they had the choice of being the best at something that they don't love, would they be happy then? would they come to love what they do because they're good at it.

i'm ranting because all my life i've wanted to be the best in something. i didn't just want to do something because it made me happy, but because i was good at it and no one could tell me any different. now with script frenzy, i want to be the best. now, all you have to do to win script frenzy is write a 100 pages in 30 days. and i plan on doing that. i plan on winning. like charlie sheen. but the evil inside me tells me that i won't be happy unless i'm the only winner and i pray that i can be happy for others. that when others surpass me in my skill and accomplish what i want to, that i can be genuinely happy for them. i guess i just put too much pressure on myself to succeed, and when i don't i feel free, but at the same time i want to do my best to see how far that will get me. the ironic part is, when i stop trying so hard and putting the pressure on myself i tend to do alright.

man, i really hope i'm a natural when it comes to picking lotto numbers if this whole writing thing doesn't work out for me.