People love to remind me of how young I am. I welcome it with a certain amount of warmth, albeit a smug, neutral smile I've learned in the past couple of years working in the hospitality industry. It comes from all directions -- both parents and friends alike, especially people sitting at the bar. I get asked the question of how old I am, or some reference is made to early 90's/late 80's pop culture that I don't know, and I'm hit with it.
Lately it hasn't been too big of a deal, I reply with the same smug smile and in my head, justify my feeling old. But that's how it works, isn't it? The young never feel young until years later, they look back and realize just how young they were, how much easier everything was. It's that old and very trite saying that goes something along the lines of, "a foolish man thinks himself wise, whilst the wise man knows himself to be foolish." So maybe it was a moment of wisdom when I was washing the dishes and cleaning around the apartment, realizing how carefree I carry myself and just how much further I have to go. Hell, I'm not even into my late 20's yet.
I haven't been taking the time to enjoy myself and be productive for myself; It's been weeks since I last posted on any blog, scribbled anything on a sheet of paper before I've fallen asleep, or spent an afternoon just making music without judging myself and giving up because I'm not up to par with my former self that used to practice hours on end. Instead I've been telling myself that I need to be, "responsible," and that I need to clean up around the house and do a bunch of other things that I never actually get to. In reality I end up spending my time shmoozing away online, wasting precious time. What it is to be young...
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