Laying Down the Groundwork

The most daunting task is always coming back. Any sense of familiarity is gone, and I find myself at a loss for words. Why? Words used to flow from my fingers with a melodic ease... I could spend entire nights to the rhythm of my fingers tapping away at the keyboard.

It used to be the easiest thing, to let go of everything that I keep balled up inside, but the more I've kept inside, the harder it is to let go. Let's lay down some groundwork and see if we can't make this into something, yeah?

The way I see it, I'm always just barely chugging along -- I'm not that old, but I've exerted my body far further than it should go. I'm not that young, but I find myself holding on to reckless ambition and too many dreams. Recently I've made this decision to hold nothing back. Maybe it's an overdue ambition from my youth, to be able to put everything out there that I've needed to, to live life in both earnest and honest; or maybe it's something that I should've done a long time ago that I've never learned to do.

There's a part of me that's scared -- scared of what's going to happen when I reveal who I am to myself; am I going to be more of a softy than I realize I am? Am I going to realize that I really am as much of an asshole and hard-headed as I'm afraid of? Or am I going to be the kind of person that I hate?

It's never going to feel like there's enough time in the world to do everything. But you're never going to really know the world unless you look at it through honest eyes.