the end

the world is funny.

i can't remember a time when people didn't fight over what they believed in. Allah, Jehovah, Jesus, Buddha, satan, Edward Cullen. leftists, rightists, extremists, nudists. everyone had a team to fight for. bombs here, a protest there, threats of nuclear attack every other full moon, hair pulling, screaming, and crying. everyone had a reason to be angry at everybody else. we were like this from the beginning of time.

but then something happened.

one day, everyone just stopped believing.

and i mean everybody.

republicans, democrats, liberals, conservatives, terrorists, hell even athiests, and as far as i know, they didn't believe in anything to begin with. but that's the effect it had on everybody because deep down in your core, you believe in something. it could be God, demons, the american dream, gravity, or yourself, but people believed in something. and that day, something was taken from us.

i don't know the exact date, no one knows for sure, and i don't think anyone really cares anymore. it was a long time ago when governments were still intact and when people actually cared about their "fellow man."

i heard about groups of people that used to help people "in need." people that were hit by a tsunami or earthquake, people that went hungry every night, people that were dying. pretty pointless. they should've just been looking out for themselves. dying people are best left alone in this world.

we're all heading towards death and now there are only two types of people left. those that want to prolong the inevitable and steal as much time as they can on this earth and those that see no point in delaying. this earth used to crowded as hell, i heard. over 6 billion people. i can't even imagine. last i checked, we were teetering around a cool million or so. and even that was declining.

old people were a big chunk of the declining rate and kids either found a way to survive or died trying. i was one of the lucky ones.

i was abandoned by my parents as soon as i was born. some woman found me and saw a use for me. she raised me to sell me as soon as i was good for something. turns out i'm not too bad looking and she sold me to a rich couple as a sex slave.

sex was the natural way to get high when things were dry around here. of course, people didn't see the point of it anymore because making kids was a waste of time. it was mostly for pleasure, if you can call it that. it was more of an escape.

a way to forget the world we lived in. sex was a dream inducing state that left people bittersweet because they knew the feeling wouldn't last. it would make them feel good and even hopeful, but hope was a dangerous emotion and it was best if you killed it as soon as it emerged from your naive mind.

i've been a slave for quite a few years now and it's safe to say that i don't feel a thing. that as far as i know, this reality around me could be a dream. i pinch myself, hit myself, and inject myself whenever i can hoping to wake up from this. the thing is, is that the hope is shattered as soon it starts because hope lies in waking up to something else. i imagine myself waking up to a bright light, but it stops there. the light fades and blackness swallows up the light. there's nothing to wake up to.

i don't know how this world began, but i know that i'm living in the end of it.

but sometimes, i do get this weird sense of maybe this isn't it. that if one day i close my eyes for good, then i'll truly awaken to something. i've been having these dreams lately of waking up. i always wake up before i can see what woke me up and i'm always in tears. but i feel like that there's something there, like this isn't the way things are supposed to be. of course, that's where my dangerous sense of hope lies in now. in sleep. maybe when i die, i can dream forever. maybe i can even see what wakes me up in those dreams. and that's what gets me. what makes me think that i'll even be conscious when i die. after that, i'll be nothing just like i was when i was alive. i'll be gone, just like that. i'll cease to exist, is what a lot of people say around here when they get to that age.

and they say it with absolute certainty because it's the only thing they're certain of.