dear gays and lesbians,

we're sorry for everything. we're sorry for labeling you, for insulting you, for killing you, for denying you marriage, and for making your lives a living hell.

we're sorry, but we know that we can't take back all the horrible things we've done to you, so we've come to a compromise. a truce, a deal.

we will leave you alone and let you marry and treat you like normal folks as long as you stop having sex with one another.

gays can have sex with lesbians and vice versa, but not gays with gays and lesbians with lesbians.

we're all for love and peace and sex, but not man on man or woman on woman. well, the woman on woman thing can work if there's another man involved, but that's complicated and we can figure that out later when we hit that road.

but man on man is just... you know gross. woman on woman just seems awkward if it isn't between two really beautiful blondes, or brunettes of course. we don't discriminate.

we'll even allow you to marry, but of course gays can only marry lesbians and vice versa. we have to be consistent.

we really believe that this will work because you can still be as gay or lesbionic as much you want, minus the whole sex thing, and you'll get your rights as real people. we want you to be as comfortable with us and we are with us. and we want you to be like us as long as you stay true to yourself because we're all for that.

we really hope that this will work out. look forward to your response.

- The Law Abiding Law Abiders (LALA)