samson

His hair was long. Unbelievably long. It went down his chest almost to his belly button. Samson’s hair was never as long as it was since then. When was this? I think it was about three months ago give or take. It was around the end of summer, so maybe it was August or September if you define the end of summer by when you can’t wear shorts anymore. Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either. That long. No, not the length of his hair, the length of his relationship. Yeah, what you don’t know? You can tell if Samson is in a relationship or not by the length of his hair. So if he has a shaved head with little to no hair then he’s a new man, single. If it’s been growing out a bit, maybe three or four weeks then he’s on the hunt, but if you see him with a full head of hair, like Fabio hair, then yeah, it’s on. Who was he with? Well that’s a long story. It goes back into his other relationships, actually it goes back into his name. How much time you got? Alright. Sit down, we’re going to be here for a while.

When Samson was born he was born with a full head of hair. Don’t believe me? I’m not sure if it’s true either, but that’s what he tells everyone. That might explain why his hair grows so fast. That might explain why his parents named him Samson. He grew up with long hair and he said he got his first haircut when he was 12, right around the time he went through puberty. Yeah, that’s what he said. I don’t know if it’s true, but it adds to his legend. Now he started getting trims for his hair, but it grew back within a week or two, so that’s when he started to just have it shaved off altogether. You can call it chance or fate or God, but when he first shaved his head, that’s when he met Joanna.

Joanna was a little older than Samson and she was in a league of her own. She had all the looks of a model, but she didn’t give anything up without a fight. If you asked out this girl you had to ask her out at least a dozen times before she would even think about saying yes. But that’s where it was different with Samson. She actually wanted to hang out with him. She asked him out, basically. And so begins the real story.

Joanna was around 14 while Samson was turning 13, but they were inseparable. She was headstrong and didn’t care what anyone else thought except for Samson. He would listen to her and he did what she told him to do, but not because he was scared. The only reason Samson listened to Joanna was because he wanted to. He wanted to be with her and whenever Joanna would get into one of her moods or rants about how much she hated being told what to do, Samson would stay cool, ask her if she needed anything. That would trip me out if I saw a screaming girl and a boy responding to her like that. But that’s Samson for you. Now his hair was growing out this whole time and he didn’t care much about it. But he figured that it was time for a cut, so he was with Joanna one day and told her that he was going to go get his hair cut. Joanna, unbeknownst that she was about to set off something in Samson that if she knew what were to happen she would’ve taken it back instantly, said, “Good.” Samson says that that was the first time in his life that he ever felt such an intense anger that he didn’t know what to do or how to react. He just stood there, little 12 year old Samson, shaking in fury. He wouldn’t say a word to Joanna after that. He just off and disappeared and refused to see her anymore. Now of course if anyone else did this to Joanna she would be just equally as furious, but because of the mystery and the fact that Samson was angry for the first time with the reason being her, she tried repeatedly to apologize. Samson would hear none of it. Joanna stopped reaching out and Samson moved that year to another state, so that was the end of that, but the beginning of what we now know as the “ritual.”

The “ritual” was begun by Samson after that time when he met another girl, but he didn’t really last long with her, so I can’t recall the name. But what he would do is whenever he started a new relationship he would grow his hair and when the relationship ended he would shave it off to begin again. Yeah that’s what I asked, what happened if he shaved his head and he didn’t get into a relationship for a while. But that’s never been the case with Samson. Sure enough a week or two after shaving his head he would be with another girl. Without fail, he would find a girl before his hair even knew what was going on. It’s been like that for about 10 years. Yeah I know where does he find this many girls to even go out with. I don’t know, but that’s the way it’s always been until about a year ago.