I was bored the other day when i decided to stop by my mother's house; i had three loads of laundry to do at my apartment, which translates to one load and nine dollars saved at hers.

The house itself doesn't feel like home anymore, but there's still a nostalgic familiarity to it -- pictures on the wall, places where memories were made, etc. At some point, i found myself in my old room, rummaging through little things that i'd left in the closet. I'd left some sheet music, a couple old magazines, yo-yos and the like.. I'd forgotten that i'd left memoirs from ex-girlfriends on the top shelf.

The thing about high school is the overwhelming sincerity; every girl is "the" girl, and every that you do is the most important thing in the world, as well as completely justifiable, every time.

One was a photo frame from my first prom; she was in maroon, and each picture had managed to catch her with the biggest, most genuine smile I'd seen in a long time. I haven't talked to her since we broke up the summer before she went to college, so the memory and pictures are all i have left of her. On top of this picture frame was a little green box, where i had kept all of her letters that she ever wrote to me. Who writes letters nowadays, anyway?

However, the most jarring was a little styrofoam container. it sat quietly as i looked at a young me smiling proudly with the love of my life at the time. It finally caught my eye at some point because the words on it caught my peripherals.

"why do you build me up, build me up, buttercup, baby, just to let me down.." read one side. the rest of the box was covered with the lyrics as well; on the top, was a message that told me she hoped my SAT's went well and the like, and had made me a cupcake, which was carried by the container.. Things were so innocent at the time. I thought back, and realized that she was the most appreciative and giving girlfriend i had ever had, and also the one that i had broken up with over the worst reason (in retrospect, of course).

We're also facebook friends. She's engaged now.

It wasn't the jealousy that sent me whirling over who i was and what i was looking for in the next couple of days, but it was the sudden awareness of just how much time had passed and what i had learned since that time. Suddenly, it's time to get things in order, time to pull friends that i had pushed away, back, and time to stop dwelling on the past.

I'm never going to be able to remember anything about the cupcake, though.

-w (copied and pasted from my track records blog)